Grief does not move in a straight line.
It does not begin on the day someone dies and end after a certain number of weeks, months, or years.
There is no deadline for missing someone.
There is no point when every painful memory suddenly becomes easy.
Grief changes over time, but that does not mean it disappears.
It becomes part of the life we continue building after loss.
There Is No “Right” Way to Grieve
Every person experiences grief differently.
Some people cry often.
Others feel numb.
Some want to talk about their loved one.
Others need quiet.
Some return to work or daily routines quickly.
Others struggle to manage even the smallest responsibilities.
None of these responses automatically means someone is grieving correctly or incorrectly.
Grief is personal.
It is shaped by the relationship, the circumstances of the loss, the support available, and everything else happening in a person’s life.
Grief Can Arrive in Waves
There may be days when grief feels manageable.
Then a song, photograph, smell, place, or memory can bring everything back.
A person may feel fine one moment and overwhelmed the next.
These waves can happen during:
- Birthdays
- Holidays
- Anniversaries
- Weddings
- Graduations
- Family gatherings
- The birth of a child
- Career milestones
- Ordinary evenings at home
Sometimes the hardest moments are not the expected ones.
They are the small moments when you instinctively think, “I need to tell them,” and then remember you cannot.
Time Does Not Measure Love
People often expect grief to become smaller as time passes.
In some ways, it may become easier to carry.
But the length of time since the loss does not determine how much someone mattered.
Missing a person years later does not mean you have failed to move forward.
It means the relationship was important.
Love does not expire because the calendar keeps moving.
Moving Forward Is Not Moving On
The phrase “moving on” can feel painful.
It may sound as though the goal is to leave the person behind or stop carrying their memory.
Many grieving people are not trying to move on.
They are learning how to move forward while still loving and remembering the person who died.
Moving forward may mean:
- Building new routines
- Reaching important milestones
- Laughing again
- Creating new memories
- Finding purpose
- Raising a family
- Returning to work
- Allowing joy back into life
None of this erases the loss.
A person can continue living and still deeply miss someone.
Grief and Joy Can Exist Together
After loss, joy may bring guilt.
A person may wonder whether laughing, celebrating, travelling, or enjoying life means they are forgetting their loved one.
But joy is not a betrayal.
It is possible to feel grateful and heartbroken at the same time.
You can celebrate a milestone while wishing someone were there.
You can love the life you are building while grieving the person missing from it.
The heart can hold both.
Grief Changes With Life
Grief may feel different as life changes.
A loss can be experienced again when:
- You become a parent
- Your children reach new milestones
- You get married
- You start a business
- You move
- You reach the age your loved one was
- You face illness yourself
- You need advice only they could give
Each new chapter can reveal another part of the absence.
This does not mean the grief has restarted.
It means the relationship continues to matter as your life evolves.
Milestones Can Feel Incomplete
Important moments can carry both pride and sadness.
There may be someone you wish could see what you have accomplished.
You may imagine what they would have said or how they would have celebrated.
A milestone can be beautiful and still feel incomplete.
It is okay to acknowledge both parts.
You do not have to hide the sadness to appreciate the joy.
Grief Is Not Only Sadness
Grief can include many emotions:
- Anger
- Guilt
- Relief
- Confusion
- Loneliness
- Regret
- Anxiety
- Numbness
- Gratitude
- Love
- Fear
- Resentment
Some of these feelings may seem contradictory.
A person may feel relief that someone is no longer suffering and then feel guilty for that relief.
They may feel angry at the illness, the healthcare system, other people, or even the person who died.
Grief is complicated.
People deserve space to experience it without judgment.
The World May Move On Before You Are Ready
After a loss, there may be an immediate outpouring of support.
People send messages, bring meals, attend the funeral, and check in.
Then life begins moving again for everyone else.
For the grieving person, the loss is still part of every day.
This can create a deep sense of loneliness.
Support should not end after the funeral.
A message months later can mean so much:
“I have not forgotten.”
“I was thinking about them today.”
“I know this may still be hard.”
Speaking Their Name Matters
Some people avoid mentioning the person who died because they are afraid of causing pain.
But the grieving person is already thinking about them.
Hearing their name can be comforting.
Share a memory.
Mention a funny story.
Say that you miss them too.
Speaking their name reminds the family that their loved one still matters to others.
Grief Does Not Need to Look Productive
There can be pressure to turn loss into a lesson, project, mission, or source of strength.
Creating something meaningful can be healing for some people.
But grief does not need to produce anything.
A person is not required to become stronger, wiser, or more inspiring because someone they loved died.
Sometimes surviving the day is enough.
Purpose may come later.
It may not come at all.
Both are okay.
Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving
You do not need perfect words.
You can say:
“I am here.”
“I remember them.”
“You can talk about them anytime.”
“There is no timeline for this.”
“You do not have to make your grief easier for me.”
Practical support can also help.
Bring a meal.
Offer childcare.
Help with errands.
Remember important dates.
Check in without expecting a response.
Avoid Setting Deadlines
Comments such as these can be painful:
“You should be feeling better by now.”
“It has been a long time.”
“They would want you to move on.”
“You need to stay busy.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
These statements can make someone feel ashamed of their grief.
A more compassionate response is:
“Take the time you need.”
“I know grief does not follow a schedule.”
“I am still here.”
Children Grieve Differently
Children may move in and out of grief quickly.
They may cry one moment and play the next.
They may ask the same questions repeatedly.
They may revisit the loss as they grow and begin to understand it differently.
Children need honest, age-appropriate explanations, familiar routines, and permission to remember.
They should never be expected to grieve like adults.
Grief Can Affect the Body
Grief is emotional, but it can also feel physical.
People may experience:
- Exhaustion
- Trouble sleeping
- Changes in appetite
- Difficulty concentrating
- Headaches
- Tightness in the chest
- Restlessness
- Forgetfulness
- Low energy
There is no shame in seeking support from a doctor, counsellor, social worker, grief group, or other qualified professional when grief becomes difficult to manage.
Receiving help is part of caring for yourself.
Anniversaries Can Be Difficult
The days leading up to an anniversary may feel especially heavy.
Sometimes the anticipation is harder than the day itself.
It can help to make a gentle plan.
You may choose to:
- Spend time with family
- Visit a meaningful place
- Share stories
- Make their favourite meal
- Light a candle
- Donate in their name
- Pack a comfort basket
- Stay home and rest
There is no correct way to honour the date.
Grief Can Change Relationships
Loss may bring some people closer and create distance with others.
Friends may not know what to say.
Family members may grieve in different ways.
Some relationships may become stronger.
Others may feel more difficult.
The grieving person should not have to manage everyone else’s discomfort.
True support allows grief to be present without demanding that it look a certain way.
Remembering My Dad
I lost my dad, Glen, in 2019 after his experience with cancer.
There are still moments when the grief feels close.
There are things I wish I could tell him.
There are milestones I wish he could see.
There are moments with my children when I wish they could know him in the way I did.
The years have continued moving, but love does not follow the calendar.
His absence is still felt because his presence mattered so much.
Grief and Purpose Can Live Side by Side
The Glen Adnam Cancer Comfort Basket Foundation grew from love and loss.
Building something in my dad’s name gives his memory a place in the future.
But it does not erase the grief.
Purpose and pain can exist together.
The foundation is not proof that I have moved on.
It is one of the ways I continue carrying him with me.
There Is No Finish Line
Grief is not a task to complete.
It is not a stage to pass through as quickly as possible.
It is an ongoing relationship with love, memory, and absence.
Some days it may feel heavy.
Some days it may feel gentle.
Some days it may sit quietly beside joy.
There is no deadline.
There is no perfect path.
There is only learning how to live while carrying someone who is no longer physically here.
Grief does not follow a timeline.
And no one should ever be made to feel that theirs has lasted too long.
